The Incapacity for Life
by ms hearse
Summary: Sequel to the Non-Elf. Consequences: what if following your heart means hurting those you love?
1. The Calm Before the Storm

_Shortly after writing The Non-Elf, I came up with the idea of putting Sportacus through a little hell. A mid-life crisis, if you will. I really wanted him to suffer. He is the nicest, most put-together character in all of Lazytown, and so I wanted him to feel the pressure of reality. _

_I also wanted to write in a few of my own frustrations with watching a friend's marriage crumble and with my own difficulty in the fertility department. I admit that it isn't the best representation of those feelings, but the emotion is still there, still intense, and it needed to be shared. _

_I would like to thank KittyUK for editing it and trying, once again, to help me find my inner Sportacus (I'm not entirely convinced he's in there at all at this point). The musical influence for this particular piece was Oomph!._

_Enjoy. _

_---_

_The Incapacity for Life_

_Chapter 1: The Calm Before the Storm_

He woke up just as the sun peered through the window pane. He stretched and smiled, jumping up with a renewed sense of energy. The mornings were always his favorite.

He eyed the yellow walls around him as he pulled up the comforter and tucked in the sheets. It wasn´t his room. It wasn´t his house. He was an imposter in their world: forced to live amongst them as one of them.

With a deep breath, he silently promised to himself, yet again, that he would try his best to blend in. If not for his own comforts, then for Stephanie.

Bouncing through the hallway, into the kitchen, he found a fresh batch of fruit that the mayor had bought for him, and made himself a smoothie. He carefully sliced open a watermelon and set the pieces out for the mayor for when he woke. Mr Meanswell was not under any obligation to let him stay at his house while he got used to human behavior, but he did it anyway; a prime example of the good that mankind was capable of, an example of what he saw in every person, what he hoped all would see in themselves. It was acts like that that made him think that perhaps he might actually find a place amongst them.

Of course, having Stephanie alive and well by his side did not hurt either.

He had been asked to do the impossible, to save the unsaveable: a dying child, a dying future, a dying chance. And like any good above-average-hero, he saved the young girl, just not without his own stipulations.

Opening the door to the ever brightening day, he left the house for his morning jog. He stretched and jumped and prepared his body for movement, but his eyes were steady on the airship not a few feet above the ground beside the house, as if in invitation.

---

Stephanie was normally an early riser, but she could still never seem to get up earlier than Sportacus. He always seemed to beat her to it. Not that it mattered anyway, since no one really woke that early in this lazy town except him, making her feel like she could be just as decent an elf if she slept in an extra hour.

He insisted that she needed to be prepared for anything that might happen, but she knew it had more to do with the extra time they were able to spend together alone. And she had absolutely no problem with that.

But this morning, she didn´t wake up with the exuberance she normally did. She felt a sense of emptiness. Homesickness.

---

Robbie was curled up in his orange chair, as usual, fast asleep. His dreams spoke in a language that he once knew, but had not spoken in so long, that it seemed a foreign sound.

There was only one topic to his dreams these days. It was humiliating, really; the prospect of not being able to let go. He had given the man plenty of space to be with the little pink twit, but space was easier to give physically than emotionally.

It wasn´t embarrasing to still be in love. It was embarrasing that even in the smallest measures, shown to him most vividly through his dreams, he still clung to the possibility that Sportacus could be his.

---

She brushed off the strange sensation and opened the door for Sportacus. He was cheerful, as usual, which brought a huge smile to her lips. He could always cheer her up, even with just his presence.

"Good morning," he said, leaning in for a kiss.

Her hand shot out and blocked his mouth.

"Sorry, Sportacus," she said with a chuckle, "I still haven't brushed."

He nodded and busied himself with a few pushups while she took care of her hygiene. He was never one to complain, but she knew how much it bothered him to let things like that slide. He was a very well polished man, and she wanted to be just as polished for him.

She combed her hair back into place, and slipped off her nightgown. She could see a pause in his pushups: a very momentary hesitation, with just enough time for his eyes to wander and his mind to pull him back to his task. It made her smile. She wasn't very curvy, or busty, but she still had all the right parts, and could make his heart race with just a glance.

She considered changing out her panties, but that seemed to push it too far. She struggled to pull on her tights first, then softly tugged her dress over her head and through her arms. Sighing, she combed through her hair once more.

Sportacus seemed to be distracted by her again. She put the comb down and went in for the kiss he was waiting to give her. It tasted like berries. It tasted empty.

It wasn't that he was losing interest. He had always been fascinated with her, even before she realized it, even before it was acceptable. But that feeling. It nagged at her while his hands held her close and his tongue kept her speechless.

She pushed him away, which he respected, reluctantly.

"Sportacus?"

"Yes?"

"I have this strange feeling."

He looked concerned.

"I feel…" she said, searching her brain for a word that made sense, but only coming up with the one that, though it described it the best, made the least amount of sense. "I feel _homesick_. Is that normal?"

---

It didn't surprise him. He knew that feeling. He knew what it meant. But it still drilled a big, messy, unexpected hole in his heart.

"Hum," he said, still holding on to her, as if he could keep her there forever. "The elves communicate with nature through their feelings. In a way, the earth _is our_ emotion, and we simply learn to read it."

"I don't understand," she said.

"You don't have to," he reassured, pulling her closer to rub her back. "All you need to know is that when the earth calls you, you must answer."

She seemed to melt in his arms. He let his hands move up and down her back, taking in her delicacy and size. He might have been a gentlemen, but he was still a man.

"So what is the earth trying to tell me?" she asked.

"What do you _feel_ like it's telling you?"

"That I'm homesick."

"Perhaps that you don't belong here anymore?"

He said it unwillingly, as if refusing to face it would make it go away. She stared into his piercing blue eyes for answers.

"I've felt that feeling too," he said. "The need to go home."

"But this is my home!" she cried.

"It will always be your home, yes, but as Stephanie. As an elf," he said, "you belong in Álfheim."

"Álfheim?"

"The home of the elves."

---

Stephanie was confused. She didn't know that Sportacus came from an actual place. She just figured all elves wandered around in airships and helped out where they were needed. It had never occurred to her that they might want a place of their own, a place to be with their own kind.

"Is that where I'm supposed to go then?" she asked.

"All I can really tell you is to follow your heart. You won't get anywhere until you learn to listen to your own guidance."

His eyes were sad. She decided to change the topic.

"Are you going to look for a job today?"

She realized it wasn't the best subject to bring up under the circumstance: his search for permanence during her time of impermanence. But as she could feel herself losing control under his gaze, it was the first thing that came to her mind.

"Yes."

"Then maybe you should get a head start and let me finish getting ready."

He smiled, all thoughts of their previous conversation disappearing from his expression.

"Are you sure?"

"Very," she said, pushing him out the door, just in time to save herself from his charm.


	2. The Emotions that Lead Us Asunder

_Chapter 2: The Emotions that Lead Us Asunder_

Robbie was clever. He knew he couldn´t properly interfere with the relationship that Sportakook had developed with the girl, but he did know that that did not mean he couldn´t have a part to play.

He dressed himself carefully. It wasn't easy pulling on a fatsuit by oneself, but Robbie was skilled at disguise.

---

Sportacus was a little uncertain of how to find a job. He had never had to look for one before. Mr Meanswell had mentioned something about "hitting the pavement," but he was certain he must have heard it wrong.

He wandered up and down the streets in Lazytown where all the stores were huddled together. Surely someone would have a need for him. Or would they? What exactly could he offer to a store? He could teach healthy eating and exercise and sports, but it had seemed to him since giving away his birthright, that those things didn't matter as much to the people of Lazytown without a hero behind them. And he didn´t feel like much of a hero anymore.

He didn't pace for too long before a rounder gentlemen stepped out from a building and beckoned for him to come near. The man was wrapped in a purple apron, and had a purple cook's hat on his head.

"Hello there, young sir," the man said with a chuckle. "My name is Robin Layers. Do you mind helping me out for a moment? Would you lift a few things in the back room?"

"Of course, Mr Layers. My name is Sportacus, by the way."

The man jumped a little.

"Yes, yes, of course," he said. "Sorry about that. Sportacus, you say? Most unfortunate name. What _was _your mother thinking? I do hope that's your last name, anyway."

Sportacus smiled slightly. It wasn´t the first time his name was criticized.

"Well, parents these days," Mr Layers said with a shake of his head. "No wonder you turned out so, erm, so unlike others. Please, this way."

He lead Sportacus through the door into a very modest bakery, and through to the back. There were lots of boxes stacked up everywhere, with no real explanation as to what was inside them, or what their purpose was.

"Please, please, pick up the boxes," Mr Layers said while scratching his chin. "Show me how strong you are."

Sportacus shrugged and lifted the nearest box. It was very light, to the point that he wondered if it was in fact empty. The baker didn't seem at all interested at first, but then, as if reminded to react, suddenly started acting surprised and thrilled and clapped his hands.

"Oh, how strong you are!" he raved. "I am so busy with my shop, you must come work for me as my stocker boy. It is so much work to run a candy shop all by myself."

It did seem a little odd for him to think of working with candy, but he wouldn't actually be making it, and it was far better than no job at all. He looked over the baker, who was busy scratching his sides and chest to wonder what took Sportacus so long to respond.

"Mr Layers," he said at last, "you have yourself a stocker."

"Oh joy!" said the baker. "I'll need you once a week. Just move boxes from here to here until they are all on this side. See? Not hard. Not hard. Now let me show you the rest of the shop."

---

Stephanie sat at the open doorway of the airship, overlooking the town.

Álfheim. It was a mystical word. A word that made her fingers tingle and her heart race twice as fast. It was a word that called her name with the use of no language and no sound, only the silent tug of its power. Álfheim.

The oddest part for her was that it really wasn´t a question anymore of whether she belonged there or not, but rather when she would go. And it hurt her to admit it.

Her home was always Lazytown. It didn´t matter that she wasn´t born there, or that she spent the first eight years of her life unaware of its existence. Lazytown was home. This place, this Álfheim, was nothing to her until now, now that it was _everything_.

She remembered the laws of the elves. She remembered what Sportacus had taught her. If she wanted to live, then she needed to follow her path to her piece of land, and if her heart told her this was no longer where she belonged, then she no longer belonged here. No matter how much it hurt.

She thought of those bright blue eyes, and the body and that smile. She thought of nights spent curled in his arms after expressing their love in the deepest, most personal way possible. He had given her life, his life, and somehow still found more in him to give: his love. She loved him almost as much, but also knew that it would be an insult to stay and die, and destroy the life that he had given her.

She knew then that she had to go.

---

Robbie was pleased with himself. It wasn´t often he subjected himself to a fatsuit, for the horrid itching, but it guarrenteed that Muscles wouldn´t recognize him. It was important that he wasn´t seen. He had to be near him again, to touch him if possible, without being completely rejected.

And it seemed like he might actually get his wish.

---

Stephanie walked along the sidewalk slowly, trying to come up with the words in advance: the words that would split her from her love. But she didn´t have as much time as she would have liked to think it over, for Sportacus came flipping over to her from around the corner.

"Stephanie!" he cried as he picked her up and spun her around. "I found a job!"

"Oh, that's great, Sportacus," she said.

"A new candy shop is opening up. Not that we really need another one."

"A candy shop?"

He nodded.

"All I have to do is move boxes."

"Well," she said, "it's a start, I guess."

He ran a hand through her thick pink hair.

"I can tell you're worried," he said, seriously. "You need to follow your heart, and quickly. When you refuse the promptings of your emotions, of nature, then you…"

"I know," she said, shivering.

"You don't have to worry about me," he said, as if reading her mind. "I have a job now, and well…"

She nodded, keeping her eyes down.

"…I'll miss you, Stephanie. You will always be mine. You always have been. But you're very young, and you don't belong here anymore. And I, I have to stay."

"I know," she said, feeling tears begin to form.

He leaned in close to her and whispered into her hair, "I love you."

"I love you too," she said, "but I have to go."

---

Sportacus waited by the airship while Stephanie hurried to her uncle's house to say goodbye. It was hard to imagine Lazytown without her. It was hard to imagine anything anymore. He didn't know if it was the process of losing his birthright, or simply of losing his life, but he could feel his happiness start to slip. It was getting harder to feel like himself.

He felt a tap at his shoulder, and turned to see Robbie and his wicked grin. Sportacus held up a hand to keep him from speaking.

"Let me guess, you already heard about Stephanie."

"I have my methods," Robbie said.

"She's going to Álfheim."

"You mean she's going to _try_ _to find_ Álfheim," Robbie laughed. "She's been an official elf for a total of four months?"

"Five."

"Whatever."

Sportacus turned to look at the airship.

"It'll be lonely without it here, watching over us," he said.

"Don't be so sentimental."

He could feel Robbie come closer, and breathe on his neck. Robbie had never really gotten over him, no matter how much he objected to it. Sportacus didn't need to be a mind-reader to figure that one out.

"You're never going to see her again," Robbie whispered.

Sportacus closed his eyes. He knew. When an elf was called away from his land, it meant that his work there was done, and that a new piece of land awaited him elsewhere.

He could see Stephanie hugging her uncle, who looked a little surprised at the sudden decision to leave. Sportacus straightened his back and held up his head high, leaving Robbie without another word to give her one last kiss.

---

Stephanie watched as the figures of her childhood watched her leave. She waved, feeling ridiculous doing so, as if it was not a strong enough symbol to say goodbye with.

Closing the door, she walked slowly to the helm and buckled herself in. She took a deep breath. Although she had never been to Álfheim, not knowing where exactly she must go, she knew, somehow, that it was a long way away.

She tried to take comfort in her memories of Lazytown and childhood and long nights with Sportacus, telling herself that she would one day return; for the trip wouldn´t be as bad knowing it was only for a short while.

---

He eyed Sportacus as he looked out over the sky, even after the airship had long disappeared into the distance. He could sense the man begin to weep, though no tears were apparent. The thickness of the air made him uncomfortable. He decided to try to lighten the mood.

"So, my pet," Robbie said with a smirk, "when you come to accept that the little pink rodent isn't coming back, you know I'm still available."

Sportacus turned to him, disgusted.

His smirk faded. He wasn't certain he was going to like this new version of Sportacus. Wasn't certain about it at all.


	3. Inexperience

_Chapter 3: Inexperience_

After hours of mindless traveling, and trying to interpret her inner navigational system, she finally arrived.

It was an island. Beautiful beyond words. She was too far above the land to see anything in particular, but what she did see amazed her: ice and snow, steam, mountains and glaciers, and greenery as sharp a contrast as its neighboring white. At first sight alone, she could feel a piece of herself fall from her being, descend into the space below, and ascend back up into her once more; to fulfill an empty part of her she did not know was missing. It was magickal.

She felt a tug inside her to go higher. She reluctantly steered the airship up through the clouds into the sky above, out of range of the island, until she saw, to her astonishment, a settlement of sorts around her. Airships, not unlike her own, were gathered together; the sheer number of them astounding. Álfheim. It had to be.

She was beckoned, by her own emotion, to join them and to tie her airship to theirs in the giant grouping. Her fingers roamed the buttons at the helm until pushing one, somehow knowing just which to push, and watching in awe out the window as a landing board of some kind stretched out from her airship and connected with the landing boards of the ships beside her, allowing a common walking ground between them.

She could see a small group of elves standing together, facing her airship, seemingly waiting for her to arrive. It sent a shiver through her spine. They did not look anything like Sportacus. Just like the wide variety of humankind, the elves all had their own style and look.

She eagerly, yet shyly, exited the airship, jumping onto the landing board to greet them. One of the elves stepped forward and made an odd expression that looked as though he was trying to smile. It wasn't very welcoming, but she still appreciated the attempt. She smiled back.

"Welcome," the elf said.

---

It had been a few months since Stephanie left Lazytown. He tried not to let it affect him, but he could no longer feel a portion of his heart. The part that meant everything. The part that used to house his pink-haired love.

He picked up another box. His new job was easy, but tiresome, the same motions again and again without any real reason for it. His boss was friendly, but always kept an eye on him, and wouldn't tell him why he had to move the same boxes from one side of the room to the other, then back again the next week. But Sportacus was not the type to question. He showed up early, did his work, and left with a nod, a smile, and a paycheck.

Perhaps Robbie was right. There was no real place for Stephanie in this new life. There were only boxes and bosses and sorrow.

It was a lonely life. A boring life. His life.

---

Robbie tucked himself into his orange chair. He was bitter. Although Sporty worked hard for his paycheck, his heart was no longer in it. Ever since the pink twit left, he had moved deeper inside himself each day. Her absence was harming him.

Robbie clutched his fists. The only person allowed to puncture Sportakook's psyche was him.

"If only she would return," he said aloud to himself. "I'd put a bullet in her."

He laughed. What an absolutely evil thought indeed.

---

Another day, another box. Sportacus tried not to think about her, but it was hard to think of anything else. Her delicacy, her bright and cheerful disposition, her hair, her smile, her laugh, her presence. Her. She. Stephanie. Love.

He let another box fly from his grip, throwing it on top of the pile. He was only faintly aware of the body behind him before it spoke.

"You've been slacking," said his boss.

"I'm sorry, sir," Sportacus said.

The man scratched his chin, leaving a trail of flour there.

"It isn't a particularly hard job."

"I know."

"Well," he said awkwardly, "then get back to it."

---

She stood quietly, staring at the elves, while the elves stood quietly looking over her. She knew this was where she belonged now, but in this unfamiliar place, she felt the need to see a familiar face.

She tried to think of them as cousins, as Sportacus' family. It helped. A little. Their harsh demeanors began to show a little spark.


	4. Through the Power of Instinct

_Chapter 4: Through the Power of Instinct_

He remembered holding her. He remembered the rain. There was fire, and light, and pain, and then his life was hers.

And he would have done it again. It didn´t matter that his existence no longer had a purpose, or that everyday he felt a little more depressed. She lived. She flourished. She was his purpose, and his purpose lived on. Even when he would not.

---

Stephanie stood, facing the group of elves before her.

"It's okay to be nervous," one said; a very kind looking man with laugh marks and deep blue-gray eyes. "Your heart led you here. This is where you belong. It is a good step."

She could feel herself shake a bit.

"You're wrong, though," she said. "I thought I was suppose to come, and I came, but I don't belong here. Let me go back. Please. Lazytown is my home."

"It really isn't our choice, Child," the elf said. "It is Nature. If you felt the need to leave, then you no longer have a place there."

"Why am I here?" she asked.

Another elf stepped forward, shaking her head.

"Such a big question for such a little person," the elf said.

"We are dying," said the first elf. "We have all been asked to return, to take mates, and to expand our dwindling population."

Stephanie could feel her breath stop.

"Wh-what?"

---

Sportacus forced himself to jog around the sports' field, getting slower with every round. He was faintly aware of Robbie's presence.

"Thirsty?" Robbie asked calmly as he passed him once again around the track.

He stopped to see Robbie fiddling with a water bottle in his hands.

"You know," said Robbie, "_I'll_ never leave."

Taking the bottle for a sip, Sportacus stood silent.

"I could make you happy," Robbie whispered.

But just as if he wasn't there, Sportacus set the bottle on the nearby bench and returned to his jogging without a word.

---

He was mad. Sportafreak refused him yet again; so determined to stay faithful to the pink one, when fidelity was nothing but a waste of happiness.

He scratched the section of the suit that held his leg, eyeing Sportacus move the boxes in the back room. With every neglectful toss of the boxes, he could feel his anger rise. Without a further thought, he wobbled over to the sporty-freak and let him know who was boss.

He couldn't remember the language he used, for most of it was made up anyway in his anger. What he did remember was vulgar and hurtful, but in the moment, it felt right. He insulted the man's work and he insulted his character.

Perhaps he hoped it would make Sporty stand up for himself. Perhaps he hoped to help him revert back to the upstanding citizen he had always been. Or, more likely, he only hoped to release the stress, the anger, the rejection in his own heart.

Whatever it was, it didn't work. By the end of his rant, he had not only belittled Sportacus, but poked his own anger with a heated iron. Sportacus stood still, a little shocked, without a word in return.

Robbie stomped, as best he could in the fatsuit, away from the stunned man, his thoughts wild.

"I'm going to do it," he said to himself along the way. "If she comes back, I'll shoot that stupid girl for hurting him."

---

"I volunteered to show you around," said the elf at Stephanie's door the very next day.

It had been a long night. She had stayed up staring at the ceiling of her airship, trying to figure out why she was there: away from Sportacus, away from Lazytown, away from familiarity. Nature had never ruled her life before, but suddenly she was supposed to pay attention to it and obey it like it was a parent, or a god. She wasn't very familiar with God, not having been raised in a religious home, but it seemed all too clear to her that Nature was somehow the god of the elves.

And she had to obey.

She wished more than anything that Sportacus was there to guide her. At least then she wouldn't have to feel so alone.

"Show me around where?" she asked the stranger in the doorway.

"Iceland."

"Is that the island below us?" she asked, suddenly interested.

"Yes."

"My name is Stephanie," she said.

"Number 4."

"You don't have a name?"

"That is my name."

"Oh."

"We can take my airship," he said.

She nodded and followed him. His airship was not unlike her own, simply larger. It was painted the same blue, white, and red of hers. Sportacus once told her it was the color of his hometown, which only now made sense, being as those were the colors of Iceland's flag.

Iceland. It sounded so foreign and strange, even more so to think it was just below her. Sportacus had never actually told her where he came from, only that it was far away. For a moment, she wondered if he had been ashamed of his home, but the thought quickly left her as the first sight of land showed itself in the window of the airship.

It was so beautiful that it caused her eyes to water. She wiped the tears aside and followed Number 4 out into the sunlight.

As she followed behind him, she studied his outfit. It was much different than Sportacus' blue Lycra suit. It was silver and shone in the sun, and looked like it was a few sizes too big. It was hard to tell how built his body was, though she could tell he had some muscle, because of the excessiveness of his outfit. His hair was fairly long and stringy, hanging over his eyes in an unflattering kind of way, hiding their blue tint. For all his outward awkwardness, he seemed like a very confident man; even, in an odd way, a little cute.

He glanced behind him a few times, aware of her attention, a slight grin on his lips.

When they finally reached the town, it occurred to her that there was nothing innocent about this trip. She could feel her defenses start to thicken.

"This is one of many nurseries," Number 4 said, aware of her emotional retreat.

"Why are you showing me this?" she asked.

"It's as sinister as it seems," he said. "I'm trying to appear to your motherly instincts."

"I'm not sure I have any," she said.

"Of course you do. You´re a woman," he said. "We're a dying species, Stephanie. Nature has called you here to mate. You must mate."

"But I'm too young to be a mother! And Sportacus, he's…"

"Never explained elf life to you," he answered for her.

"What I meant to say was that he isn't here, actually."

He nodded knowingly.

"Elves aren't like humans. It doesn't matter who you love, it matters _that_ you love."

"And I do," she said, "I love Sportacus."

"I understand."

"And I'm just supposed to have a baby with someone else, someone I don't know? How is that love?"

"Just let me show you around. What could it hurt?"

She hesitated for a moment, but nodded in agreement.

"The mothers stay here during their pregnancies, in case something goes wrong. Elves have delicate compositions, so there are many things that can go wrong. Because we are so different than humans, human doctors won't understand how to help."

"Aren't you supposed to convince me that this is a good thing?"

Number 4 laughed. His eyes twinkled behind his hair.

"I'm just being honest."

Stephanie watched as a woman played with a group of toddler-aged children. They were jumping and happy and pointing to various rock formations.

Number 4 noticed the direction of her focus.

"As soon as they can speak, we teach them how to tend to the land. Iceland is a very strange and magickal place to begin with," he said, "so it gives them the best example of earth's many motions."

"They're cute," she said.

Number 4 looked at her oddly, as if he didn't expect to tap into her instincts so early.

"Ah!" he exclaimed suddenly. "It looks like a newborn. Come."

They walked across the green grass to a strangely formed rock where a woman sat and nursed an infant. As they came closer, the woman looked up and smiled. Number 4 spoke to her in a language Stephanie had only once heard before: an unplanned exclamation from Sportacus the first night they were as one. It was a language that sent cold shivers through her limbs.

The woman nodded to Stephanie and uncovered the baby's face, still sucking, to let her have a better look. Number 4 nudged her from behind.

Embarrassed, Stephanie moved closer and watched the infant feed. She had never before seen a baby at his mother's breast. It brought out feelings in her of comfort and care, and before she knew it, she was deeply touched. Perhaps she did have a motherly instinct after all. Perhaps she could love a child. Perhaps, under the right conditions, she did want this, all of this.

She noticed Number 4 sneer. She wanted to smack him. But more than anything, she wanted to hold the baby.


	5. Tempting the Devil

_Chapter 5: Tempting the Devil_

He knew he was finally going crazy when he actually bought the gun. It was so shiny and slick. He knew the girl would never return, but it just seemed right to be prepared.

He hid it in his apron as he went back to check on Sporty. The man was so depressed lately, and his work was suffering. He was moving so slowly, and wasn't even bothering to smile or socialize anymore. Robbie could feel his anger rise again.

"Move it, you big lump," he yelled. "You're so useless."

He kicked at the heel of Sportacus' boot, silently cursing himself for doing it. Sporty stepped back, his face turning dark in concern. He had pain written all over his face, but Robbie just kept cursing.

Sportacus was able to overlook the verbal abuse, but as Robbie's rant turned to punching, Sporty grabbed at his fists to restrain him.

"I don't think you want to be doing that," he said.

Depressed or not, the man was still strong. It broke the edge off of Robbie's anger.

"Why do I even try?" he said at last, forcing himself to leave.

He was a monster. He knew it. He had always known it. But it was hard to see it play out. Robbie had once figured out that love did not suit him, but for some reason, he insisted on pursuing it.

He locked himself in the bathroom and hit his head against the wall until the resulting headache kept him from thinking about it further.

---

On the way back to the gathering in the sky, Stephanie sat quiet, thinking. She had been around babies before, but never had they had such an impact as this one had. She was confused. She needed Sportacus to be there to tell her what she was feeling.

She looked at Number 4, the kind, yet awkward elf, and wondered what motivated him.

As if he knew what she was thinking, he answered, "You could say I'm a bit of a rebel in the elf world."

"Were you called here to be a father?"

"I was."

She looked away then, embarrassed.

"Have you?" she asked quietly.

"Been a father?" he asked.

She nodded, still looking at the ground.

"You could say that."

Confused, she eyed him questioningly, but they had arrived, and he was at the door, waiting for her to follow. She did, keeping close behind him.

The group of elves were still there, waiting for her. She stood before them again, this time beside Number 4, this time a little wiser.

"I have made up my mind," she said.

---

He patted his new friend in his apron pocket and left the bathroom. Sportacus gave him a warning glare when he entered the room, but Robbie stopped short of touching him.

Instead, he ripped at his prosthetic makeup and pulled off the fatsuit, exposing himself as not the shop owner, but Robbie Rotten.

Sporty's eyes widened in horror as Robbie pulled out his new friend: his shiny, slick, loaded gun.

---

She directed the airship away from Álfheim and Iceland, eager and anxious to see Sportacus again.

She knew it was risky, but it was something she had to do. She had said her goodbyes to Number 4, who, disappointed of her choice, told her that he would be there when she returned. And as much as she didn't want to ever come back, she knew it was inevitable.

There was no way around motherhood. She would have to mate and raise a child in Iceland, just like the rest of the elves. But, unlike the rest of them, she was determined to stay faithful. For the short period of time she had to live in Lazytown, she would be with Sportacus once more, have a baby with him, and leave him again to raise the next generation.

Sportacus was not an active elf, but he was still biologically one. And any child of hers would be his.

---

Sportacus stood face to face with Robbie; his old love, his boss, and his abuser. He could feel his eyes grow wide at the sight of the gun, but his heart did not jump up in surprise. Too shocked to really react, he simply stood dumbfounded.

"I can't take it anymore," Robbie whispered calmly. "You aren't who you used to be. I have to end this, don't you see? I have to take you out of my life forever."

"Understandable," he said, feeling the truth of Robbie's words hit him hard.

"No, no," Robbie said, the angst in his voice becoming apparent. "You aren't supposed to understand that."

"But I do."

"Fight! Fight for your life!"

"What life?" Sportacus asked.

"You really think that just because your little twit is gone, that you have nothing to live for? _Why couldn't you live for me_?"

Sportacus was silent.

"I'll do it," Robbie said, pointing the gun between Sportacus' eyes.

He lowered his head and closed his eyes, but Robbie yanked his head back upward.

"Face me, you ingrate!"

"Just do it," Sportacus said. "Please. Just end it."

"No!"

"End it. End me. I can't take it any longer."

Sportacus began to cry, deep powerful tears that flooded down his cheeks. He had never felt so down in all his life, and with the prospect of a way out, it only seemed fair to let it happen.

"Shoot me," he begged.

"No."

"Shoot me!" he yelled.

"No."

"I'm nothing! I'm no one! Whose hero am I now? I can't even have love! She's gone, Robbie, she's gone forever."

The tears came faster then, making it hard to speak.

"There you go again," Robbie said, "talking about _her_. When is it ever about _me_? When do I get a turn? I never have you. Even when I had you, I didn't have you. I've never known happiness. I'm alone. I'm a monster! You want to be a hero, do you? Then be a hero!"

---

Robbie's mind was twisted up in knots and pounding from the headache he had induced in the bathroom only moments earlier. It was so hard to think, to feel, to do anything but act.

He turned the gun around and stared straight into its barrel.

Sporty snapped out of his own misery and leaped out to grab the gun from Robbie's grip, but Robbie was quicker. He flung himself out of Sporty's reach. Sportacus tried again and grabbed at Robbie´s fist. They wrestled around for a moment, one holding desperately onto the gun, while the other desperately trying to take it. And the only thing that Robbie could think about was how glad he was that Sportacus was weaker than he used to be, as he knew he was no real match for the man's strength.

And then, somehow, Robbie managed to turn the barrel downward and shoot. The bullet hit him right in the gut, and the gun dropped to the floor.

---

Sportacus grabbed Robbie before he fell. He saw the wound in his gut, and knew that of all places, the gut was one that could not be mended.

He held Robbie close, his tears of failure turning into tears of mourning. He pet his hair, trying to comfort him as he slipped away.

Robbie grabbed at Sportacus' arms, his mouth open without words. It was painful; his shirt quickly soaking up the blood that pooled from beneath. Sportacus couldn´t tell if Robbie wanted him there or not, but he stayed nonetheless.

The tears came harder then. He remembered doing this before. He remembered giving his life to Stephanie, a life he no longer had to give.

"Damn you, Robbie!" he yelled. "Why would you do this? Why?!"

He was a failure. He knew he could not save Robbie, that Robbie would die in a puddle of blood and loneliness; and that he would not be far behind. He never wanted to lead Robbie on again, but having him there, alive, was a form of hope for the future: a hope that no longer remained.

So Sportacus found the gun, lying on the ground beside them, fully loaded, and turned it on himself.


	6. Failure

_Chapter 6: Failure_

When she arrived at last, she was greeted by a quiet town. It was an eerie reminder of what she first felt when she was eight and seeing Lazytown for the first time.

She scratched the back of her neck, at the base of her pink hair. Was this what Lazytown was like without her there? Was this what she so desperately wanted to come back to?

She headed for the silly new candy shop where Sportacus had found a job. It was quiet and empty. She peered in through the back door, and saw something she had never expected to see.

Sportacus was kneeling over a body with a gun in his mouth. The body was still and bloody. Robbie.

---

Like a dream, like an angel, she came in through the door. She was just as beautiful a hallucination as she was a person.

He shook violently, scared of his own decision, but too determined to stop.

The hallucination ran to him and put her hands softly on his. They were warm. They were real.

"Sportacus," she spoke, "I'm back. I'm here. It's okay. Don't do this."

Her hands were warm. They were real.

"Please," she continued. "I love you, please. Don't."

Warm. Real.

He shook his head, swotted her away, tightened his grip, and pulled the trigger.

But nothing happened.

He shot it again and again, but there was nothing. Dropping the gun in failure, Stephanie threw herself onto him in relief.

---

She held him, his body shaking and eyes weeping. She wasn't sure what had happened, or what she missed, but it scared her.

Without thinking twice, she started to hum a lullaby.

"You're real," he said to her.

She nodded, still humming her song.

"I don't know who I am anymore," he said. "I couldn't save Robbie. I couldn't save myself."

"You're always _my_ hero," Stephanie said. "And I'm back. It's okay. We can get through this together. We can look past whatever happened here. I'm back."


	7. Adapting

_Chapter 7: Adapting_

They stood in silence together. There had been no one else at the funeral. Robbie Rotten might have been well known, but he was not well liked.

Sportacus had changed a great bit since she had left for Álfheim. He wasn´t as fulfilled, as structured, as happy. She suspected he might never return to his old self. Forever damaged. Forever scarred.

She wasn´t sure if she could handle the new Sportacus. It had only been a few days since her return, but it was painfully obvious to her that life in Lazytown would no longer be the bright, magickal experience it was when she was a child.

She reached out and touched Sportacus´ hand. It twitched, but didn´t grab hers in return.

So this was reality. This was adulthood. It was full of change, death, and uncertainty of the future.

---

He knew he was being difficult. But there was so little to live for now; so little to motivate him. He flat out neglected his workouts and spent his days outside on benches, watching the clouds.

He had never had so much to think over before. He was not unintelligent, as Robbie had often accused him of, but his mind was of a specific type. The puzzlements of life were simply not his place; he stepped aside for the more experienced when such situations arose. But now, standing at the mound of a buried friend, he was faced with all those puzzlements, without a way to hide. And it was weighing on him heavily.

Why did it have to happen? Where did he belong in this world of constant change? Would he ever feel the joy and excitment he used to live by? Or would he slump lower and lower into his pit, until the day Stephanie stood alone at his own mound of dirt?

Would she even care enough to be there?

---

Stephanie lead him away to a small grassy area, out of view of the cemetery. Just like clockwork, Sportacus found the nearest bench and sat at the end.

She joined him, kicking her feet and nudging him sweetly a few times, but he never responded. He was deep in his own troubles now.

"I called Trixie," she said, "college is going well."

Sportacus sat motionless.

"Sometimes I miss being in school, having so little to worry about," she continued.

Nothing.

---

It wasn't the death in particular that bothered him. He certainly missed Robbie, though; maybe more than he wanted to admit. He knew his place was beside Stephanie, and that there had been no real reciprocated emotional connection with Robbie. But Robbie was gone, forever, and it made him miss him in ways he never had.

The world was one Original less, and yet no one really understood the loss. And there was no real way for him to explain it.

---

She leaned into him, trying to initiate something. Anything.

He reciprocated, unlike with words, and right there in public view, though no one was around to see, they had quick, passionless sex.

She pushed her dress down, embarrased by the energy she put into it this time. Sportacus adjusted his clothes and went back to his blank, wordless stare.

"That was nice," he said flatly.

She nodded, feeling his monotone voice suck at her own joy.

"Something that Robbie would do," he said.

She blushed. That was not her intention.

"I'm not Robbie," she said.

He was silent.

"Do you want me to be?" she asked, hurt.

"I just mean it was nice," he responded. "Boldness suits you."

He attempted a smile, but it was useless. She knew it was a mask. It was the same mask he wore when she told him about needing to get pregnant. It was the same mask he wore when he told her that he would love to have a child with her.

She followed his gaze. She hadn't been home long, but sex was already starting to become a chore. It no longer raised feelings of excitement or enthusiasm, and, most importantly, it failed to have any emotion.


	8. Seeking Familiarity

_Chapter 8: Seeking Familiarity_

Looking for another job was difficult. Initially, his boss had found him. Of course, that ended up being Robbie, but it was still easier then. Everything seemed easier then.

But now he had to search, and in such a small town, there was very little for him to do. People gave him small chores, in respect for who he was and his history in the town, but nothing that would sustain him or allow him to move out of the mayor's spare room.

And it didn't help that he preferred to spend his days watching the clouds.

He had lost considerable strength from his lack of exercise, and his muscles were smaller and weaker. His physical appearance had only managed to make things worse for him, to make him feel even more like a failure.

---

Stephanie watched as Sportacus came home from another day without a job. She wanted to make him happy, to make him know that it was okay, that she still loved him, but there was nothing, really, that she could do.

"How about a race around the sports' field," she said.

He nodded, reluctantly.

They started out okay, side by side, just like old times. But she quickly outran him, leaving him weak and out of breath behind her. He collapsed, frustrated.

She ran back to him, wishing that it didn't have to be like this, missing the man she fell in love with not that long ago. Where was that man now? Where was her Sportacus?

---

He couldn't even run around the sports' field anymore. He felt like such a loser.

She held onto him, but he could feel her distance. He was losing her. The one stability he had in this world, and she was tired of being it.

He sank his face into her soft pink hair and tried to let her know that he still cared. He kissed her, needing that comfort, needing that connection.

---

Knowing what he sought, she dragged him from the sports' field and up into the airship, where they made love.

She stayed awake, staring up at the ceiling, as he fell asleep beside her. It had been several months of this, and the need to get pregnant was weighing on her mind. She didn't know how much time she had left, but could feel herself slipping. It wouldn't be long. She would have to return to Álfheim, and soon. Pregnant or not.


	9. Leaving

_Chapter 9: Leaving_

Sportacus could still sense Robbie in town. Wherever he went, he thought he might still come across him around the next corner, but he was never there.

He walked to the lair that used to be Robbie´s home, taking in every stick that crunched below his shoes, and every bird that mocked him with its song.

He recalled the sexual encounters, the banter, the wicked smile that was always plastered on his face. He walked to the opening, but did not go in. He knew he would not have been able to handle being that deep inside of Robbie´s world without him there.

---

She checked the calendar to make sure, then went into the bathroom. She waited until the test showed its results: yet another negative.

Her heart sank. Maybe it was just too early to tell. She decided to try again in another week.

It seemed that pregnancy was not meant to be a part of her life after all. She stared at the test, and wondered how much longer she could take the rejection. How much longer could she have loveless sex with a man so unlike the man she used to know? How many more tears would she have to clean from his face? How long would the threat of Álfheim hang over her head?

She had a limit. And she could feel it start to break.

---

It wasn't the death in particular that bothered him, but that he had been unable to save Robbie. That he was no longer the hero, and that that was most clear to him at the time that he needed to be a hero the most. And in that moment, as he held his body, he had truly lost all sense of who he was.

He missed Robbie´s influence and his charm, but he missed even more who he used to be and what that had meant to the town. Robbie had been right: he had given up his purpose, and no longer had the motive to hold up his head to say, "this is who I am."

---

She found him somewhere between town and Robbie's old lair.

She had thought it over. Alone. Sportacus wasn't there to help her think through her feelings like he used to be. He was never there anymore. And she decided, through her own interpretation, that she was angry.

"I'm at my limit, Sportacus," she yelled, with fresh tears on her cheeks as she stomped his way. "You don't care about me anymore. I'm…I'm leaving early.

"Either you change, or I'll leave. For good."

Lazytown had never seemed as bleak. Perhaps it was just Sportacus' continual depression that dragged her down, but she could no longer sense the colorful cheeriness of the town. It was as though with Robbie's death, he had taken away some of everyone's glory.

She was the elf now, and she knew that the land was tied to her. She knew that if she was to neglect it, that it would fade. And so would she.

But it was too much.

Lazytown was dimmer because she was dim; it was dying away because she could not be whole. Not without Sportacus as himself. Not without his child in her belly.

She wanted to leave, more than ever, and never return.

---

Sportacus knew he only functioned as well we he did because he had her. He could not let her go. But he also knew that she had made up her mind and nothing he did could really make her stay.

She stood there with his choices laid out before him. He stood just as still, not sure what to do. He looked around, at the opening of the lair, and something inside him switched on. It was as if a bit of Robbie rubbed into his consciousness.

He kissed her, long and hard.

She sank into the kiss, willing, but quickly resisted.

"Will it ever be the same between us?" she asked.

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"I feel death inside me," she said. "I don't know what it means, but I don't like it."

And suddenly, without warning, she blacked out for a moment and fell forward into his arms. He set her body down softly on the ground.

That's when he saw the blood.

---

She could feel her head spinning. She tried to focus and steady the image she had of Sportacus in front of her. He looked concerned. She followed his gaze down, and saw the blood.

And screamed.


	10. In Need of a Hero

_Chapter 10: In Need of a Hero_

She was bleeding heavily. The blood seemed to be growing and thickening. He pushed aside all his feelings and tried to think clearly.

She was part elf, and under the protection of the birthright. He could take her to the hospital and hope that the doctors there could figure out her unique position, or he could go to the elves, where they would use the power of Nature to heal her for good.

He knew that he would die if he left Lazytown, having given up the birthright himself. But as Stephanie bled, he could think of nothing else: she was truly his life, and she had to live.

---

She could feel herself being lifted and carried into the airship. She was awake and alert, but the loss of blood was excessive, and it had made her weak.

She knew what he was doing, and she didn't like it.

"Stop," she cried, as loud as she could muster. "Sportacus, please. Don't do this."

But he ignored her. He laid her on the airship floor and jumped into the driver's seat.

"Stop!" she cried.

Unable to stand anymore, she crawled over to his side and tried to pull him from the seat, but he resisted.

She looked back at the trail of blood she had left and passed out.

---

The farther he got from Lazytown, the weaker he felt. Occasionally, he would look over at Stephanie's body and push forward even harder, focusing as best he could. She was his motivation. She was his purpose.

He felt guilt at ignoring her for so long, and he knew he could ignore her no longer. Not in her time of need. He failed Robbie. He wouldn't fail her.

They arrived at Álfheim. He landed the airship and carried her body out through the door, to the curious elves there.

And just as he was in their reach, he collapsed, dropping Stephanie, and passing out.


	11. Looking Forward

_Chapter 11: Looking Forward_

When she woke, she knew what had happened.

He had taken her to Álfheim for healing, risking his own life. Perhaps even killing himself.

She looked around her. The elves surrounded her as she woke. She no longer bled.

A familiar elf pushed through the crowd and helped her to sit up.

"How do you feel?" asked Number 4.

His silver suit directed the sunlight her way, blinding her. She looked down at his hand, which held hers tightly.

"You should be fine," he continued. "But you lost the child."

She looked back up at his face then. Her eyes teared up, but not from the sun. She had been pregnant after all. She had succeeded.

Without needing an answer, she asked softly, "And Sportacus?"

Number 4 shook his head.

Her tears came faster. He had given his life for her, yet again. He truly was a hero. He had proven himself worthy of such a title.

She cried against Number 4's shoulder as he embraced her.

Sportacus had always been her hero, but now, he would be nothing else.

"You must stay," said Number 4, "so that your health can be monitored."

She looked into the eyes of her elf friend, into the eyes of a caring being.

"I want to live in honor of Sportacus," she said, "to try to rebuild my life."

"Well," he said with a light laugh, "this is a good place to do that."

"Will you help me?" she asked.

"Every step of the way."


End file.
